Not so long ago yet another FB drama ensued as a ‘secret’ group of select members within the Sydney and Melbourne queer community was exposed.
A friend added me to the group so that I could see for myself the arguments for and against, which involved some people I consider friends. To be perfectly honest I was disgusted. Beyond my opinions on the topics that ranged from trans misogyny to problematic genres of music, I was just sickened by how people were behaving.
It can be said that certain persons within our queer community have certain histories of violence, aggression, intimidation or just plain bullying. It is important for those subjected to that kind of behaviour to speak out so that this cycle doesn’t continue.
Also, I agree that we seem to have a queer hierarchy. Unfortunately this hierarchy is based upon social currency and the ridiculous concept of ‘cool’.
The ‘calling out’ as it is termed was initially due to the nature of the group being secret, the members and the sometimes-unwise choice of posts by said members. It was a little forum for the ‘hip’ queers to air some un-pc content within the confines of their hierarchy.
As predicted when taken to task about it most made excuses for themselves or pleaded ‘I didn’t realise’ or ‘I accidentally liked that post’. C’mon people. Really?!
I am not trans.
I am not a person of colour.
I am queer.
I have experienced all kinds of phobia during my life and I hate to state the obvious but any kind of phobia can be damaging. We all have our passions. We all have our causes. We all have a voice. It is with what dignity and what grace you present your voice that determines the response. If you choose to take aim, shoot and hit your target then expect them to fire back. Having said that, can we all take our heads from our asses and take a good look around us?
Your opinion is yours, no one else’s. Your activity within certain social medias is not accidental nor is it ever going to be completely private. So take a moment to think about what you are doing before you do it. If you deliberately start a ‘private’ group for you and your friends to make fun of being ‘deep lez’ then expect a backlash. Not EVERY part of the community is going to take that kindly.
The fallout from this was in some ways positive with some key players and their vile behaviour exposed BUT it changes nothing. Nothing. Instead of putting a point across in a way that can create space for education and harmony members started personally attacking, going completely off topic and generally making assholes out of themselves.
It maddens me that those who are new to a concept or not informed are ripped to shreds rather than calmly and politely given information and educated. If they then continue to act with a lack of respect THEN maybe they should be spoken to in a stern yet dignified manner about their behaviour.
I have experienced misogyny, fat-phobia, homophobia and other phobias from every part of the community at some point.
It is with sadness that I say the worst and most damaging victimisation has come from within my queer community. Gossip, hearsay, accusations (not to my face mind you), singling out, harassment, lies, bullying and text messages like ‘fuck off out of Sydney coz no one here gives a fuck about you anyway’. Not ONCE has anyone ever come to me personally and asked me the truth. Not ONCE has anyone ever decided to act with integrity. This was over 3 years ago and still to this day I hear rumours and accusations filtered down by the same people. Do you know how this kind of insidious and foul way of being can affect someone’s life? I nearly took my own because of it.
My points being that everyone needs to take a step back and take a look at themselves before scrutinising others. Have you gossiped? Have you relayed what could be false information about someone? Fuck yes you have. We all have. Now is the time to STOP. It is just unbelievable to me that we champion our queer causes yet none of us can seem to practice what we preach. We hunt, rip open and feed upon the drama like a pack of hungry animals.
So you date someone cool? So you mice around looking good and talk about your PHD? So you go to San Fran every other week? I don’t really care. I care that as a person, you are a decent representative of what it is to be queer. I care that you treat others with respect. I care that you educate and practice tolerance. I don’t give a rats ass what you wear, how you roll or who you roll with. I just want to see some damn respect being circulated rather than a low budget episode of The L Word.
Those that engaged with aggression and malice within Deep Sea Creatures should be ashamed of themselves. Those that threatened the already victimised and then played victim themselves should be sickened by their actions. Those that genuinely apologised, great. But now it is onto the next drama and who has done what to whom this time.
Got a problem with someone that stirs you to speak ill of them to others? How about going directly to that person and sorting it out like a fucking adult? You may not even know the damage and pain you cause by your lack of gumption.
But most importantly be nice. Is that too much to ask?
The Postulating Petticoat 